Chapter 2

For as far back as I can remember, I was always the communal play thing. I can’t remember my age at any given time because birthdays were not celebrated. So, to attach an age on a memory is impossible. I do remember always being in the middle. The other kids were either older or younger and would stick to their groups. I never really fit into any of them. I tried my best to merge myself into my older brothers pack but, to no avail….unless of course any one of them were by themselves then they’d be the first to have me over….

I don’t even remember for sure how or when it all started but my earliest recollection is staying at a certain household while my parents were away….my Dad left a lot to go either meet with the other “Father Ministry” or to report to other cults. It was the father of that household that introduced me to the birds and the bees. I was probably 4ish. Again, exact ages are difficult but, I remember sitting beside him on the bed, legs dangling over the edge and still being a toehead. I remember thinking how big and powerful he looked. He seemed so wise. Of course, I had been brainwashed to ALWAYS listen to my elders or else not only would I be punished by them but would also be a recipient of Gods holy hellfire. It was there, on that bed, that I learned what gets a pervert off.

I stayed at the that household on several occasions. He took care of the pigs….ironic actually…and, one of the most prevalent things I remember of those stays, beyond the lessons learned on that bed, is, it was my duty while there to accompany him to the pig barn. On the way, I had to walk in exactly his footsteps, his stride, exactly to the right side of him, or there was hell to pay. Strange that. I’ve never really quite been able to figure that one out…except for it probably being another way of controlling me…making me fear any disobedience what-so-ever…..thus ensuring his dirty little secrets would remain just that. I would try so hard to keep up but he would be sure to stay just out of my little legs ability. The goings on in that barn, I’m sure at some point the pigs even turned their heads.

From then on, it seemed like I had been given a beacon, unbeknownst to me. Random violations occurred…with several different perpetrators. I don’t know when but I guess at some point I just assumed it was the norm. All the while pretending nothing was wrong. At some point, in some sick way, they became the only ones I trusted because, after all, according to them I was special, and needed.

And then the brothers happened.