01-06-14

Every year around this time I find myself in a bit of a reflection mode as the old is being marched out and the anticipation of a new page is in the air. In my contemplation over 2013 I find myself extremely grateful for all that I have in this life. The year wasn’t easy by any means. Having to say goodbye to my boy, Solomon, being the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do thus far in my life. I still can’t quite wrap my head around the whole thing but, it’s getting better. Just happened so quickly I feel like I wasn’t really prepared for it….if anyone ever is. I am a better person because of him and what he taught me so, I focus on what an amazing influence he had on my life and all the happy memories we shared. Don’t ever underestimate the power of love. Whatever form it may take. The heart doesn’t differentiate, or classify.

The past year has also been an insightful one for me. I find myself a much stronger, confident person when it comes to standing for who I am. I’ve always been a supporter of human rights, gay rights and equality but, I’ve been so in my own quiet way….being strong and loud when needed but mostly in private. For the most part it’s because I come from a deeply rooted religious upbringing….various forms of religion spanning generations. I’ve respected those views and, because I don’t want to offend or unnerve, I’ve always kept my mouth shut. Not so much anymore. Perhaps it’s because I’m now a grown man and am tired of always being the one to “understand” and quietly deal with the hurt but, most probably it’s due to the fact that I’ve been so lucky to have met my soul mate.  The love that we share has made me that stronger, confident human being and I’ll protect and stand for our love until my dying breath. Now it’s not just me that suffers, it’s us. The love I have for him is as easy and natural to me as the air I breathe and it is with that reinforcement that I can now stand strong and voice my feelings, beliefs, in a more public way. It is with that confidence that I look forward to the year to come and the milestones it holds. I turn 40…YIKES!!! and the most amazing one, getting married in October!! Something I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined would happen but, here I am! It took an incredible amount of soul-searching, mind wrestling, and just letting go of ingrained religious doctrine to get me to the point where I was comfortable with the whole thing and bring myself to propose! Now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The colossal, life long battle over what I know in my heart to be true against a mind brainwashed by religion seems to have quieted. Peace flows through me now and let me be the first to tell you, it’s an amazing feeling. I’m still not without doubt or struggle but, the voices have definitely quieted. My biggest struggle being one of letting go when it comes to loved ones who are still bound by doctrine and cast judgment. I still need to learn how to just rest in the love that we have and not try to change the minds of others. Quietly let go….while standing strong. Gently understand that the beauty of life is that we are all different.