Head Up, Eyes Forward
I had an interesting cardio session this morning.
While walking to the gym, I was drawn to the amazing moon shining it’s light on the early morn. Suddenly, I was struck with the notion of, when was the last time I looked up? This began a whole dialogue, flashback and contemplation within myself that has lasted throughout this whole morning.
As most of you are aware, mostly through this blog, I had an interesting childhood riddled with torment and abuse. I’ve been fairly open about it but, for me, even though it’s still a daily and ongoing battle to remain above, and silence, the voices in my mind, I still don’t talk about it much. I guess, as much as I’ve “dealt” with it, there’s still residual shame that comes with talking about it. Also, I feel like the more it’s “dredged” up, the more power it’s given and I really don’t want to walk in the victim mindset so I mostly leave it silent. At least to those around me. Within, is a different story. Perhaps therein lies the problem…..
One of my tormentors had a particularly morbid way of getting his point across. Whenever he would berate and verbally abuse me, he would insist that I look directly in his eyes. If I looked down, or away, I would get smacked and the verbal assault would last for what seemed an eternity. He was smart. If a child is forced to look into the eyes of an animal who’s calling them “a pathetic little faggot”, “a worthless child unfit for god’s kingdom”, and on and on it went, those words sink deeper into the psyche as they penetrate through the eyes, into the soul. A natural defense mechanism for humans is to look away, or turn and run from, something that’s causing pain or harm. When you’re not allowed to succumb to this natural “flight” mechanism, your very soul is exposed and shattered.
Flash forward many years.
One day as I was walking with a particularly “aware” boyfriend, he randomly asked me why I always looked down when I’m walking. I was totally caught off guard! I was in my late 20s at the time and nobody had ever asked me that before. I didn’t even realize myself that I walked that way. At that point I didn’t really have an answer, or, I did but didn’t consciously want to acknowledge it so, I gave the predictable “I don’t know” response. He said, “You should try to make a habit of looking forward when you’re walking as you miss so much if you’re looking down. There is so much more to see and you’ll be able to navigate potential danger more easily. And, if you’re looking down, not only do you miss out on the scenery…he was mostly talking about hot guys LOL…but you also exude diffidence.” He didn’t know it but he had revealed a whole new and unknown damaged part of me that needed to be dealt with. To this day I still catch myself looking down while walking and remind myself to look forward.
Which brings me to the reason for writing this blog.
How often do we focus solely on what is directly in front of us instead of what is around, and in front of us? What a limited view we allow ourselves when we lose sight of our surroundings! When we ignore the potentials that lie ahead, and even all that we have overcome on the path behind! By looking down and focusing only on our immediate situation we get stuck in whatever battle we’re facing. Get tripped up on every little obstacle that presents itself when, with such a simple thing as keeping your head up and your eyes forward, you can avoid those obstacles and see the win on the horizon. It’s not easy. Figuratively or otherwise. Keeping our head up and eyes forward forces us to stop deflecting and being on the defensive and moves us to a place of optimism and confidence. Let alone, with our head up and eyes forward, we can take in all the natural beauty this world has to offer!
My lesson, and admonition to you, is to remember to look up! Keep your head up and eyes forward regardless of how you may feel or what your current struggle is. The view is SO much better and it will naturally, even subconsciously, change your perspective and how you feel.
My Mind Odyssey 
Morning son.
So sorry you still need to deal. I have written in my autobiography how I felt when I saw the sadness in you kiddos’ eyes when I left on trips. If I could do things over…
Do not believe the lies that you are unworthy of God’s kingdom: No one is. But God. Remember that the persons who violated you will get their rewards some day. Don’t allow them to hold you in any prison. Keep your head up, shoulders squared, and a song in your heart.
Please continue using your writing gift. You are a natural.
Love and blessings,
Dad